When you are going through a divorce, it is easy to think that you need to have everything your way. The issue with this is that you aren’t usually going to get that. Instead, you and your ex will each get some of what you want, but likely not everything.

One thing that you can do when your marriage is over and you are going through this process is to decide what is truly important. This isn’t always easy to do, but making your plan from the start gives you something to focus on when you are in the midst of mediation or litigation.

Think practically about property division

When it comes to property division, you may need to adapt the mode of thinking that the “stuff is just stuff.” You may have an emotional attachment to some of these items, but trying to focus on how each one can help or harm you live your new life will empower you. Make a list of the things that you are going to have to split up. Mark down what can help you and what will be more of a liability. From there, decide what is worth fighting for.

Set clear guidelines for child custody

A lot of the tension after divorce comes from the child custody process. You and your ex will either have to decide on the terms of the custody or you will need to go through a trial for the judge to decide. Make sure that you don’t focus on small details when you are going through this. Since the goal of the custody agreement is to do what is in the child’s best interests, you should ensure that you are working toward that. There are three questions that might help you to decide what is truly important:

  1. Is the child healthy?
  2. Is it hurting the child?
  3. Is the child safe?

If the answer to numbers one and three are yes and the answer to two is no, then there really isn’t an issue that you need to address. You can move on to other things in your life.

Once you decide what is important, let the other things go. There will be times when this is difficult, but it can truly keep your stress down if you are able to only fight the big issues.